Judgy McJudgealot

I am super judgmental. My kids know this and especially admonish me for comments I make about other drivers. In my defense, I tend to drive as if every other driver on the road is either distracted or an idiot or possibly both.  This approach has worked well for me as evidenced by the fact that I have only hit one other vehicle in my life: the 80-something-year-old lady made that turn way too fast for me to stop on wet pavement at night.  The two motorcycles that hit our van in Thailand were in fact idiots. I rest that particular case.

Back to the point of me being super judgmental.  Nothing seems to bring out the super judgy in me quite like the airport. And flying international seems to make it even worse. Don’t believe me? Read here and here. One trip, two international airports. Hyper-judgmentality in overdrive.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ranting about people who are dressed in what by most standards would be considered normal, appropriate everyday attire. This is my first time transiting through Dubai, and the men in their robes and head coverings and the women with their robes are all pretty cool to see.  This is after all, their part of the world, and it’s entirely appropriate.

Nor am I ranting about the folks who mosey through the airport looking like they got up late for class dressed in sweats, sandals or flip-flops and backwards baseball caps.  I especially like the flip-flops with socks look. Okay, I get it, people like to be comfortable when they fly, and they like to do things that make it easier to transit through the security screening process.*

So yeah, be comfortable when you fly, but I am ranting about the dude I saw at the airport in Boston. My friend, please, there are children at the airport. Your brotastic man bun, two-week patchy beard, short-sleeve henley unbuttoned to display your chest fur, adidas soccer warmup pants, down to your brightly-colored patterned socks and your shiny leather loafers with the gold hardwear...I just...I can’t...my head is exploding!  It’s like you couldn’t quite decide which hipster/millennial stereotype you wanted to represent, so you put them all together in a glorious train wreck of a fashion mashup. All you were missing was a locally-sourced mocha latte and a slouch beanie (which, to be fair, you might have had stashed in your backpack).  Just pick ONE theme and go with it!  Think of the children.  Do it for them.

See, I told you.

Super.

Duper.

Judgmental.

On the positive side of things, the local Coca-Cola brew tastes different to me, which is probably a good thing. I drink too much Coke.

*Quick shout out to my brother, the one who is a TSA agent.  If you’ve ever had one of those guys give you a hard time at the airport, I promise it wasn’t him.  Okay, it might have been him, but it could have been because of how you were dressed. He’s super judgy.  I mean, we are brothers...

Random Thoughts While Sitting in Incheon Airport Waiting to Board My Flight Home

• A lot of Koreans, mostly of middle-age, appear to consider air travel an experience somewhat akin to a summit attempt on Mt. Kilimanjaro.  I haven't seen so many people wearing expedition-style pants and Gore-Tex jackets since the last time I was at an REI attic sale. 
• This airport could really use a McDonalds.  I'm hungry.
• What if all those people actually are going on a Kilimanjaro summit expedition?  Boy, would I feel foolish. 
• No McDonalds, but guess what I did find--Burger King!
• Of course I'm going to try it.  Did you really need to ask?
• I anticipate that at any moment a flash mob will break out with Gangnam Style.
• There is no shame in eating a Whopper for breakfast.
• No sign of Mr. Running Shorts.  Yet.
• It is cooler here in Korea than Thailand, so maybe he found some expedition trousers to keep his legs from getting chilly.
• Kudos to Burger King--one of the reasons I like BK is the global consistency of the Whopper.
• The K-Pop being played on the TVs in the food court is pretty catchy.
• Is it just me, or is there a lot of English used in K-Pop?
• Still waiting for that Gangnam Style flash mob.
• Where are the trash cans in this place?  I can't find one to save my life.
• No matter which side of the moving walkway I'm supposed to stand on so others can walk and pass me, regardless of the country or airport, I'm apparently doing it wrong.
• I'm considering filing a complaint with the airport and tourism authorities.  The lack of anyone doing Gangnam Style has me questioning Korea's cultural pride.
• Before anyone gets annoyed when their flight is delayed for aircraft maintenance, they should probably consider the possibilities of flying in an unmaintained aircraft.

Random Thoughts While Sitting in Suvannaphoum Airport Waiting to Board My Flight to Korea

• Running shorts--seriously, dude?  I mean, I understand that you want to be comfortable, especially on a long flight.  But for the sake of all that is good and decent in the world, to say nothing of thinking about the kids, this probably isn't the right time and place to be cruising around in your racing trunks.
• On the flip side, to the lady in front of me at the security checkpoint who needed five minutes to remove all the jewelry and then looked shocked when you were also told you needed to remove your six-inch wedge-heeled shoes: it's an international flight, not a fashion show.  It's totally cool to dress down just a touch.
• I broke my streak of eating at the Burger King in this airport for something like 163 consecutive trips (I would get a Whopper before every flight from this airport, including in-country trips).  But the streak ended mostly because I hadn't had any Pizza Company pizza on this trip, and it's right there, next to the Burger King.  Besides, they had a sweet upgrade deal that included a monster-size Pepsi.
• Now watch, that same lady I mentioned earlier is going to be sitting next to me on the flight.  And she will be the most delightful  conversationalist.  Because karma has a wicked sense of humor like that.
• Since when did Suvannaphoum start requiring you to remove your shoes during screening?  I've never had to do that before, and we' e already established that I have transited this airport at least 163 times before today.
• Just discovered that Pizza Company's Hawaiian pizza has not just ham, but bacon as well.  I knew there was a reason it was so good!
• Fake crying by little kids trying to make their parents feel guilty in Slavic languages sounds remarkably similar to little kids fake crying trying to make their parents feel guilty in English.  And Thai, too.
• To the older gentleman sleeping sprawled across a few chairs, shirt unbuttoned all the way and wide open: are you by chance related to the dude wearing the track shorts?
• I want it on the record that I don't actually have anything against women wearing jewelry and/or high heels. Except when it disrupts my attempts to pass through airport security quickly and efficiently.
• Why do I have the sinking feeling that we won't actually board the plane directly, but rather will get on one of those people movers and drive halfway around the airport first? And this is a BIG airport.
• At what point during the flight will I regret guzzling that monster-size Pepsi?
• By the way, if you're going to load passengers on the shuttles and then drive them to the plane, there's really no point in calling for people with small children or special boarding needs to board first.
• I will refrain from commenting on the boarding process, except to tell the (literally) pushy Korean lady behind me that when I've stopped moving, it's because I can't move because there are people in front of me blocking the aisle.  Please stop pushing my backpack.  Yes, I can feel you pushing me. Just. Stop.
• Well, what do you know--we did board the plane directly.