Judgy McJudgealot

I am super judgmental. My kids know this and especially admonish me for comments I make about other drivers. In my defense, I tend to drive as if every other driver on the road is either distracted or an idiot or possibly both.  This approach has worked well for me as evidenced by the fact that I have only hit one other vehicle in my life: the 80-something-year-old lady made that turn way too fast for me to stop on wet pavement at night.  The two motorcycles that hit our van in Thailand were in fact idiots. I rest that particular case.

Back to the point of me being super judgmental.  Nothing seems to bring out the super judgy in me quite like the airport. And flying international seems to make it even worse. Don’t believe me? Read here and here. One trip, two international airports. Hyper-judgmentality in overdrive.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ranting about people who are dressed in what by most standards would be considered normal, appropriate everyday attire. This is my first time transiting through Dubai, and the men in their robes and head coverings and the women with their robes are all pretty cool to see.  This is after all, their part of the world, and it’s entirely appropriate.

Nor am I ranting about the folks who mosey through the airport looking like they got up late for class dressed in sweats, sandals or flip-flops and backwards baseball caps.  I especially like the flip-flops with socks look. Okay, I get it, people like to be comfortable when they fly, and they like to do things that make it easier to transit through the security screening process.*

So yeah, be comfortable when you fly, but I am ranting about the dude I saw at the airport in Boston. My friend, please, there are children at the airport. Your brotastic man bun, two-week patchy beard, short-sleeve henley unbuttoned to display your chest fur, adidas soccer warmup pants, down to your brightly-colored patterned socks and your shiny leather loafers with the gold hardwear...I just...I can’t...my head is exploding!  It’s like you couldn’t quite decide which hipster/millennial stereotype you wanted to represent, so you put them all together in a glorious train wreck of a fashion mashup. All you were missing was a locally-sourced mocha latte and a slouch beanie (which, to be fair, you might have had stashed in your backpack).  Just pick ONE theme and go with it!  Think of the children.  Do it for them.

See, I told you.

Super.

Duper.

Judgmental.

On the positive side of things, the local Coca-Cola brew tastes different to me, which is probably a good thing. I drink too much Coke.

*Quick shout out to my brother, the one who is a TSA agent.  If you’ve ever had one of those guys give you a hard time at the airport, I promise it wasn’t him.  Okay, it might have been him, but it could have been because of how you were dressed. He’s super judgy.  I mean, we are brothers...

Punctuation Matters: a Cautionary Tale

No-shave November.  Seems pretty simple, right?  Unless you mistake a simple hypen for an em dash.

• No-shave November = no shaving during the month of November.
• No—shave November = please, go ahead and shave during the month of November.  No, really, we mean it.

Let's be honest, who hasn't made this mistake?

Punctuation really does matter, people.

Don't let this happen to you.  Pay attention to punctuation!

Soderblogger, Aging Fashion Curmudgeon, Part Two

Nobody has nor probably ever will accuse me of being on the cutting edge of fashion.  Heck, I'm usually not even in the same time zone.  That said, since coming to Bangkok I've seen some clothing choices that have boggled even my chic-deficient sensibilities.  Things like running shorts--you know, the really short kind that marathoners wear, with the side vents that go waaaaaaay up--with a short-sleeve button-down, dark socks, and loafers.  I'll go out on a limb and say that dude was European.  And since I saw him at the Skytrain station my first question was, "Where does he keep his train pass?"  And then I stopped thinking about it because I had just eaten lunch.

By the way, what's with the backpackers wandering around Bangkok unshaven, wearing those thin, tight t-shirts with all sorts of gaudy screenprinting, manpris, and flip-flops?  Seriously...

I must tread very carefully on this next topic, because next thing I know I might be running from an assembled group of Thai women with pitchforks and machetes.  But let me just say that I have seen some truly...unique...ensembles for women here.  I have to confess that I find some personal enjoyment walking along the elevated path between the Chitlom and Siam Skytrain stations  because I see some very interesting clothing choices.  Skirts come in various lengths, most of which begin at the knee and migrate north from there--I'm willing to give something of a pass on the length, though, because it's really hot here.  And I think they're called bubble skirts, but I see a lot more of those here than I ever saw in America.  In my opinion, not very flattering look, but I'm a man, so what do I know.  Ruffled blouses are far more common than in the States, too.  Sometimes the ruffles are big enough that I'm afraid a strong gust of wind might pick some poor woman up and spirit her away to environs unknown.  Oh, and high-waisted skirts/pants with pleats apparently never went out of style in Bangkok.  Same goes for MC Hammer pants.  For women.  I'm not kidding.

I really shouldn't complain.  The variety is far preferable to the cookie-cutter dark business suit fashions that I was inundated with working in San Francisco and Washington, DC.

For all the adventure in female fashion, men here trend towards conservative business-style attire--I should probably note at this point that it seems most professionals here have custom-tailored clothes that fit very nicely.  It's quite affordable to do here--even a caveman like me has two custom-made suits.  Increasingly common here (for men and women) are polo shirts that are a uniform for the company; banks and travel agencies seem to be the most common, but that might just be my observation based on the business district I frequent.  Most men wear plain, dark slacks, usually with a white button-down shirt.  But most Thais are smart enough to wear the collar open and leave the necktie at home.  Oh how I envy them!

Shoulder pads for women might be making a comeback, though.  You read it here first.

Soderblogger, Aging Fashion Curmudgeon, Part One

So the other day I was out getting my lunch at the complex down the street from our embassy that houses several other embassies, and this non-Thai guy in front of me was wearing suspenders.  Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing suspenders.  They are, in fact, an effective way to keep ones trousers from falling down around ones ankles.  But suddenly I was transported back to my junior high school years, when suspenders were cool.  But you didn't actually wear them over your shoulders--you wore them hanging down off the waist of your pants.  Yes, I fell victim to this fashion tragedy.

And that got me thinking about how patient my parents where with my various grooming and style choices as a teenager--remember the bleached bangs and long hair shaved up and under, Mom and Dad?  I'm pretty sure the last haircut that my mom actually approved of (aside from my missionary years) was the flat-top I rocked in eighth grade.  I am proud to say that I've never sported a mullet, however, so that should count for something (by the way, thanks to my parents--and Mali--for letting me do all sorts of silly things with my hair and still loving me).  There were also plaid shirts (sleeves rolled up, of course), pegged pants, and white socks with Teva sandals (honestly, I should be flogged for that one, but wool socks with sandals would still be acceptable).

But what really scared me was thinking that I am just a heartbeat away from where my parents were--watching my children make clothing and hairstyle choices with which I might personally disagree, but that are not matters of life or death or eternal salvation.  Our oldest is 12, and fortunately for us, up until now she has not been particularly interested in the latest fashion trends.  But that can change in an instant, and I think I'll have to learn to hold my tongue as well as my parents did.  It might be a challenge, but I think I can do it.